Thoughts pt.2
After a month, he messaged me again today. I didn’t reply, so he messaged messaged me again. I’ve always told myself I wouldn’t reply if he ever messaged me again, but I was so tempted to message him back. I’m the type of person where if something is on my mind a lot and if I don’t do it, then it’ll start to stress me out and I’ll regret it if it’s not done. So if I want to do something then I’ll end up doing it. I did end up messaging him back. I also called him but apparently he was asleep. I wanted to discuss on the phone this time for some reason, but it didn’t happen…
It amazes me how you think that I’m simply going to allow you back into my life just like that. Am I really that easy to you? I really cared and loved you as a person, as a friend, even though you’ve fucked me over so many times. I don’t know what it is that makes me love you so much, but I can’t help it. I really wanted you to stay in my life and I still do, but I deserve better. If I could go back in time to give you that one last chance again, I would, only so I could spend one last time with you again. I really miss you and your company. And I find it so fucked up the fact that I feel about you this way, but you probably couldn’t give two shits about me. You’re just that one person I’ll always love no matter, however that doesn’t mean I’m going to allow you back into my life and let you ruin me over and over again. I’m sorry I love you. I don’t know what more you want from me. I don’t understand why you’ve messaged me again if you don’t even care. You said you did care, but your actions say otherwise. I’ve always been so open and honest with you about everything, especially my feelings. I’m not ashamed of the way I feel and I’m definitely not scared to tell you about them. If I allow you back into my life I know the same things are going to happen. I’m so sick of the pointless arguments, I’m sick of you making me feel like shit, and I’m honestly sick of your apologies. They were never genuine. You’ve apologised again tonight, and I have no idea if that’s real or not. I’m tired of guessing, and I have no idea what’s real or not with you anymore. The only thing I do know is that this whole situation is your loss and my gain, because I really did love you, however if you’re reading this it’s too late.
